Tough VS. Soft Self-Love - What Do You Need ?

Self love. What is it?

This term seems to have broken the internet a few years back and has been used quite extensively since then. Many find it harder and harder to put a solid definition to the term.

I guess everyone has slightly their own definition, which is good! That is what self-love is all about, loving yourself for who you are, yet doing things that would show love to your body. But, are you using it correctly and to your advantage?

The most common and incorrect view is that self-love only means lots of bubble baths, and plenty of "treat yourself/you deserve it" moments. This approach certainty wouldn't work for everyone. For example, maybe your trying to put some money aside into your savings account but you are not very motivated. Every time you leave the house you say "I deserve a Starbucks today" or maybe you frequently order unnecessary clothes online as a "treat". These costs can add up over time and ultimately this could lead to a negative behavior pattern for you. This can be a destructive form of self-love for some. Same can be said for those who have repeatedly attempted to lose weight, or unmotivated people trying to increase productivity. If this is you, you may not need this fluffy type of self-love. I call the relax-and-treat-yourself type of self-love the "soft self-love".

Then there is the polar opposite personality. The people that work soo0 much, the try-hards, the people pleasers. These people can have just as destructive behaviors as the first mentioned group, yet they are greatly different. For example, perhaps you have been on a weight loss journey, you worked so hard and come very far, but now, you find yourself all consumed by it. You weigh yourself daily, you count your food down to the calorie and it is beginning to overwhelm your mind. What would be self-love to this type of person? What could they do to use self-love to their benefit? I feel this type of individual could benefit from the "soft" and gentle self-love. How restorative would it be for them to order a Starbucks drink and not worry about the sugar content for once!? How renewing it would be for them to take a Epsom salt bath, do some gratitude journaling, and get to bed early. This is what they need!

Going back to the unmotivated money saver or the unmotivated person that needs to lose weight for better health. They may need a rougher approach to self-love. If they were to use soft self-love, they may never get anywhere. This type of self-love could leave them worse off than before. They need what I call "tough" self love. If you are trying to save money you, showing love to yourself and committing to your goal wouldn't mean buying another pair of pants just because they are on sale. If you are trying to follow through with losing weight, self-love may not mean sleeping in instead of going for a morning run. There are a great deal of people that may not achieve what they would like to because they are using soft self-love as a crutch when they really need some more disciplined love in their life. Both soft and tough self-love serve a purpose and determining what type you need is key to creating a happier you.

My suggestion, really peer into who you are and what you need so that you can not only feel love for yourself but achieve things the many great things would like to do. Self-love is very important, so, if you can't determine what version of it you need in your life, talk to a trusted friend and accept their honesty. Please remember, self-love isn't one size fits all. <3

In Wellness,

Jill Jackson, CNP, NNCP